I will never in a million years understand how a woman can lay down with a man, husband or boyfriend, don’t matter, after he has sexually violated her child and in some cases, his daughter as well. I have run into so many women who have said after the abuse was discovered, her mother stayed with him, life went on and they were blamed. One woman whose daughter, his step daughter said “I just didn’t want to believe something like that about my husband” even though he was accused and convicted of raping another twelve year old. Madea had to pretend she was asleep after her oldest daughter Wanda tried telling her in a letter she’d written that her stepdad was visiting her room at night. When Madea caught him red handed under the covers he swore he was killing flies and then boldly went on to say that “If he didn’t some other guy would” Wow, was it his place to take away his step daughter’s virginity? When Wanda sought revenge by poisoning his food the mother finally sent Wanda away to live with her grandmother. Too bad she didn’t stir it in better so that he wouldn’t have noticed it.
When Andrea’s mother learned of her abuse by her father she told Andrea that “I looked at you as the other bit#h who fuc#ed my husband” Unable to bear anymore, Andrea left home, became involved with drugs, alcohol and prostitution for a while, no contact for an entire decade. When she finally went back home for a visit her dad tried to restart the sexual abuse. She said she picked up a pipe, hit the car as hard as she could and told him if he ever put his hands on her again, next time it would be him she’d hit and not the car. Needless to say he never bothered her again in that manner.
I was told by my grandmother that men come a dime a dozen and that no man is worth losing sleep over, not when it comes to sleeping with him after he has been with any relative of yours. The bond between a mother and child should come first and foremost, period.
Unfortunately sexual abuse is swept under the rug and the poor victim go forward in life with issues that some never connect to the abuse they suffered themselves as a child. Mia started with a counselor after her abuse as a twelve year old but for some reason it stopped before she got to the root of her anger thus carrying it into her adulthood and family life. It affected her relationship with her children as well. If the anger is not dealt with, it is coming out, in one way, shape or form. What is best for all involved is to get the child into counseling asap after the initial abuse has occurred, that way he/she can start the healing process and not have to wonder what’s wrong with them later on in life. The victim needs to know that they were truly the victim and that none of what happened to them is their fault. Get help today, it is the only way to regain your mental freedom. You are not alone, unfortunately, sexual abuse is an occurrence which goes back to the bible days when David’s son raped his half sister. (2 Samuel 13). Stay safe, keep your kids safe and trust no one who seems overly interested in your children. The National Abuse Hotline (1-800-656-HOPE) is a great place to start, they can put you in touch with free resources in your area. Please get help today.