My mother got mad, told me simply to “Get out of the car! You’re not being a team player!” were the next words that pierced my soul referring to the paper route we worked as a family. Now that would not have been quite so bad if we were around a few corners from home. Problem is we were many miles away and I had no idea of how to get back home from East Oakland. I asked a few strangers just how far was I from Hayward, CA. One old man said “you have quite a ways to go” and pointed in the direction. I started walking and ran into another guy hanging out at an elementary school. After I used the bathroom he asked me if I’d like a ride home. “Yes” I replied. Before I knew anything I was in the company of about 4 or 5 other men who had their way with me sexually. I was literally made into a piece of meat as they took turns on me after having offered me a drink. It was unfortunately not my first time being degraded, to this level it was unfathomable. I must have went unconscious for a while. I remember waking up and passing out a few times over again. Mind just went numb as I waited for the nightmare to be over. It was the worse experience I’d ever had in my years on earth. How I wished my dad were still alive, he would never had allowed something like this to happen to me. When the pack of wolves finished I was given a ride to the BART station where I jumped over the entrance railing and stole on the train. When I finally got home late into the evening my mother asked me where I’d been and how come it took me so long to get home. Unsatisfied with my answer she responded “You are a liar and if I let you get away with lying the other kids will think they can get away with it as well!” and she beat me.
…..I never shared with her the rotten ordeal. I went to bed afterwards. I went on in life having kept the dreadful event to myself. I felt awful and feelings of being a homosexual danced through my head even though I obtained a girlfriend and tried to be normal. I started smoking weed to get rid of the feelings as much as I possibly could. I did start failing in school. At the time I just didn’t care about too much of anything and studying was on top of the list.
…..It would be many years later before I finally opened up to a counselor who begged me to seek more counseling so that the event would not take a turn for the worse and literally devastate my life even more than it had at that point. I simply wanted to null the pain and went on to do even worse drugs and my life in fact did take a turn for the worse.
Looking back, I wish I would have heeded to the advice of the counselor, it would have saved a lot of headaches and heartaches. What I didn’t realize was by not taking care of my mental well being, that it would spill off into and affect my wife and kids and my ability to be the best husband/father I could be. My advice to any male, young or old is to get the help you need so that it won’t devastate your family.
If you are a male, of any age, Do know you were not to blame, it was not your fault and you are not anything other than a man, DO NOT KEEP IT IN! You are the most important person that it will end up destroying, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You are entitled to live a healthy, happy and a normal life!